I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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