So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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