she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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