I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
