If that was your dad, he is hot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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