after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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