sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
