Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
