Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
