By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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