I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
