i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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