After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
