They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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