That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
