there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
