My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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