I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Randomize
