Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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