Tell her she can't have a vagina
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
