so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
