Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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