Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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