You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
