I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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