And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
