he told me I talked like a deaf person
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
