The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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