my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
