i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
