I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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