And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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