You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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