absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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