Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
