I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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