some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
