Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
