Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
