I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
