I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
