Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
