Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
