He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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