I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
