Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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