Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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