I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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