I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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