dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
