Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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