We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
