Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
